Don't know what to feel... Everybody needs a totem to break free. A totem which others don't know about.
My dreams betrayed me. What more does one wish in life, other than the whole life itself, that is... Perhaps.
Having lived life the way it could be lived, why did I try to live it the way I knew it shouldn't be? Whatever you sow in this life, you have to reap in this one only... Nothing gets passed on. Your deeds, good and bad all get awarded right here, while you are here and he is here... Maybe even he doesn't trust time... That too two life times and the limbo in between... Who has the time to remember his past doings and givings... Least of all what is due on his behalf.... Good or bad.
Nevertheless, life goes on. And if 'many masters many lives' is anything to go by, 'lives' go on on a learning curve. The stages of my soul, my spirit. And I always thought my soul is of the higher league. Bullshit. Yes!!! Plain, bullshit.
How many times in your life do you bullshit yourself. Ha, some people make a living out of it. Bullshiting thyself. What could be worse than bullshiting oneself, bullshiting oneself unconsciously. Hahaha...
So coming back to the bullshiting part - yes, I confess I have bullshited mine self numerous times... Have enjoyed doing it. Have felt bad if people don't acknowledge me bullshiting mine self. Have missed bullshiting when I am unable to do it. Have dreamt mine self winning the Oscar for bullshiting.
What goes around, comes around. I have gone round and round around, only to reach back where I started off from. What goes around, comes around. Why did it have to go around in the first place? And... as if all this going and coming around was not enough, I had the moral question poking me.
Moral question!!? What's that supposed to mean, now you'd want to ask. The right question, rather, that is if you ask me, would be why a moral question?
Moral or immoral, what is that isn't?
Right or wrong, what is that isn't?
The answer lies within, or without. I never could find out. Not in this life so far. Have already stopped looking for it, so definitely maybe sure, it aint happening in this life anyways. That is when I realised, the truth that is, about my soul...
The more you learn, the more there is to learn. The more there is to learn, the less learned you feel. The less learned you feel, the more you want to learn. For any soul, whereever the above chain gets broken, life stops getting lived. Souls start dying. So learn, let your soul learn. Let it live and flourish and grow and...
See, bullshit again. I am telling, you people like me live on bullshiting, we eat, drink, sleep, breathe bullshit. We smell of bullshit. Our life is incomplete without bullshit. So much said and it all sounds very similar to one thing... Bullshit. I am sick and tired of bullshiting, then cribbing about bullshiting, then bullshiting about cribbing...
ENOUGH!!!
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